If a Tree Falls in the Woods ...

... and nobody is there to hear it ... does it still make a sound?

Ok, I bet you can guess where I'm coming from here.   If the dog is the only one to there to hear me is it still a complaint?  Yes, I am indeed back to Day 1!!

This morning, while I was getting ready for church, my 12-year old collie (that's 84 in dog years) barked to go out ... and then to come in ... and then to go out ... and then to come in.  Yes, I was frustrated ... and the words came tumbling out.  Instead of being grateful that he didn't have an accident in the house, I gave voice to the frustration ... and switched my bracelet.  If you aren't careful, it's easy to slip ... but it does get better.

Day 1 for me for the third time in 8 days!!

Stage 3: Conscious Competence

This stage is one of hypersensitivity.  You begin to become aware of everything you are saying.  You are moving your bracelet much less frequently because you are very careful when you speak.  You’re now talking in more positive terms because you are beginning to catch the words before they come out of your mouth.  Your bracelet has gone from being a tool for realizing when you complain to being a filter through which your words pass before you speak them.

And you begin to find you are feeling more positive ... you have an energy you didn't have before you began this process.

I can tell you, this feeling makes you want to share this challenge with the world.  You begin to wish that all of your friends could experience how freeing this is.  

You'll notice that I've included a link to some YouTube videos of Will Bowen speaking.  His words are very powerful, and I invite you to watch a few of his videos.  More importantly, listen to the words of the people whose lives have been changed.

At this point, I am coming to the close of Day 6 ... I hope you are experiencing some success of your own!

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence

When you decide to take the Complaint Free World 21-Day Challenge and put on your purple bracelet (or rubber band), you enter Stage 2:

CONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE

Just the act of putting on the bracelet makes you more aware of the pledge you are making, but in the beginning, you are likely to find yourself complaining just as much as in the Unconscious Incompetence stage.  

Putting on the bracelet moves you to the stage of Conscious Incompetence.  You are still complaining, but you begin to become uncomfortably aware of just how often you do it.  You switch your bracelet every time you notice. You start to ask yourself, "Did I just complain?  Was that REALLY a complaint?"  At the beginning of this stage, you catch yourself but not until the words are out there  You may move your bracelet several times a day in the beginning ... that's OK ... you are beginning to become conscious of your thoughts before they become words. 

Yoi may spend a lot of time in this stage as you switch your bracelet from wrist to wrist, but you WILL get better at it. 

Tomorrow, we'll talk about stage 3 in the change process ... CONSCIOUS COMPETENCE.

By the way Day 5 is easier the second time around!

Every Day Presents Challenges

The average person complains 15 to 30 times a day ... without even knowing it.

Today's challenge ... our vacation this week was cut short by my husband's unexpected business trip.  As it turns out, I had similar work / vacation conflicts in my former corporate life and I completey understand that these things do happen.  But even though I wasn't upset, I had the urge, when I went to the gym today, to mention it to the friends who were exercising.  Now that would have evoked sympatheic comments that weren't even necessary, but a week ago, I would have done it anyway.  Wearing my purple bracelet reminded me that there was nothing anyone at the gym could do and I just LET IT GO ... and I felt really good about it!

What are your challenges?

Once you decide to stop useless complaining, you become more aware of your challenges. Tomorrow, we'll talk about stage 2 in the change process ... CONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE.

My update ... Day 4 compaint free!  But remember this is a refresher for me ... it took me 2 weeks to go one day the first time I took the challenge.

What is a Complaint?

Why should you consider taking this challenge?  Well, in the words of Will Bowen, "People focus so much on what they DON'T want that they don't attract what they DO want.  And the best way you know you are focusing on what you don't want is if you are complaining." 

I've had several questions about what actually constitutes a complaint ...  Do you have to say it out loud in order to require a "switch" or do complaining thoughts count?

As a coach, normally, I try to get people to leave their negative thoughts behind.  However, when it comes to complaining, Dictionary.com defines a complaint as

an expression of discontent, regret, pain, censure, resentment, or grief; lament;  faultfinding

This challenge is not meant to turn everyone into people who ignore what is wrong;  it IS about complaining only to affect a change and voicing our complaint directly to the person who can make that change.   It's means developing more effective communication skills, so our complaints get actual results, not just sympathy!

Now, about whether a complaining thought counts ... actually, if the thought enters your head and you catch it before it comes out of your mouth, you don't have to switch!!  It's the needless complaints we give voice to that we are trying to prevent.

As for me ...  it's Day 3 complaint free. 

Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence

Today let's talk about the first stage anyone goes through when they are looking to make a change:

UNCONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE

Sounds very negative, doesn't it ... but, in the context of complaining, it really means we are unaware how much we actually complain.  In fact, if you ask most people if they complain a lot, the answer will likely be "No!"  That said, we are more likely to notice people around us who are complaining. 

Here's the revelation ...

If you feel you are surrounded by complainers, take the challenge and invite your complaining friends to do it as well.  I'm betting the first thing you discover is you complain a lot more than you realize. That's  what unconscious incompetence is all about..

By the way Day 2 is easier the second time around!

Back to Day 1!!

I made a comment about some students crossing against the light in Boston on Sunday evening.  It isn't easy even if you're renewing your commitment to being "complaint free"!!


I'm back to Day 1 Complaint Free!!